Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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