Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
