Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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