Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
