i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
