if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
