I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
