Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
how does that bad decision feel?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
