Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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