I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
