Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
