I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
