It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just found puke in my bra..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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