And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
