you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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