Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
