Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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