My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
