Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
