My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
