Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
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Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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