Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize