I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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