Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
