If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
