when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
