She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
