Need sex. Gaining weight.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
