I CAN MOONWALK!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
