You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
