are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
