weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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