im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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