this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
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He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
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You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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