we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize