It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize