I smell stomach acid.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
