I'm going to jail i love you
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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