hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Drunk is not a location!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
