my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
