I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
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Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
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You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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