Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
