Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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