i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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