yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
