I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Randomize
