If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
