I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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