How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
