The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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