Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
