I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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