return my video game
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
