I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
