can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
