she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
