Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
