drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
