somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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