How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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