If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
