So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
