ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
