I threw up into my coffee this morning.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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