dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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