If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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