I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize