my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
