his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I still have a little drunk in my system
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
