Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
