You smell like a Billy Joel song
It's like God shit irony all over that family
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize